Mothers? Day, 2016
My periodic columns called Darwin Awards are to nominate those human beings whose existence lowers the global IQ. We hope that those described below will not father more fools.
First prize: Suicidal Skateboarder.
Someone took a phone picture of a skateborder in Syria who, while racing down the street, fell and detonated his suicide belt. This is a real Darwin Award, well deserved. He will father no fools.
Palestinian Authority Wins Conspiracy Theory Award.
Immediately after the terror attack that killed so many people in Brussels, an attack acknowledged by ISIS, the Palestinian Authority professed that the Israelis must have done it "to punish Europe for supporting the boycotting, divestment, and sanction (BDS) campaign against Israel."
They then went on to accuse the Israelis and Americans for creating ISIS!
Europeans supporting the BDS campaign against Israel also deserve a Darwin Award. As terror attacks continue, will they finally recognize who is the enemy? Do they need to fear Israelis or their own home-grown Islamist terrorists?
A Most Dishonorable "Honor Killing."
A tribal council in Abbottabad, Pakistan (where Osama bin Laden had been hiding), strangled a local girl and set her body on fire for helping one of her friends elope. The local police chief announced the arrest of 13 members of this council. Unfortunately, every year in Pakistan nearly 1,000 women are killed in the name of "honor," women defying their family in the name of love. A Darwin Award for these murderers would be to have no daughters, no wives, and no future. Their idiocy should die out with them.
Stalin Billboards Bloom in Novosibirsk, Russia.
Those who forget history are doomed to relive it. This revival of admiration for Josef Stalin forgets that 1 million people were executed in political purges, millions died in the vast prison camp system, millions were starved (Ukraine) and millions more deported to Siberia.
Spain Changes Nasty Village Names.
An ancient Spanish town voted to change its name from Castrillo Matajudios (Camp Kill Jews) to Castrillo Mota de Judios (Jews? Hill Camp). However, Spain?s "extremist" groups are objecting to the change. With so many Muslims migrating to Spain today, will the next name changes be to the many places named "Matomoros," Moor (Muslim) Killers? Vandals and protestors appear whenever Jewish or Israeli representatives visit. Will they do the same as Muslims arrive? Alas, one?s Darwinian history mistakes do come back to bite one.
New Saudi Bureau Invites Tourists.
In an effort to develop some industry aside from petroleum, the Saudis will begin issuing "select" tourist visas soon to welcome tens of thousands of foreigners a year. Of course, the "select" will not include Jews, and women will have to be covered up and under the control of their masters.
The Saudis offer tourists ancient archaeological sites and vast landscapes of mountains, coastline, valleys, volcanoes, and deserts. The Wahabbi Muslim authorities do not like this at all. They do not like to admit (or admire) anything that preceded the Prophet Mohammad. No faith is as hostile to history as this one.
Considering the difficulties facing this tourism initiative, I would suggest that a Darwin Award be given to an institution that will have no offspring.
Digging Their Own Grave
On January 28, the military wing of Hamas in Gaza announced that seven of its members were killed when a tunnel into Israel collapsed as they were working on it. These idiots were trying to rebuild a tunnel destroyed by Israel the last time they tried to tunnel into Israel to murder civilians. This is a very Darwin award.
A Step Up for Saudi Women
In an unprecedented ruling, a panel of Saudi scientists has concluded that women are actually mammals, granting them the same rights as other mammal species such as camels, dromedaries, and even goats.
The verdict, which fell just hours before the International Women?s Day, is considered "historic" by some experts and advocacy groups for women?s rights.
"This is a great leap forward for women?s rights in Saudi Arabia," concludes Jane Austin, spokeswoman for the Women?s Liberation Action Network. "It may seem too little, too late, but it is truly a milestone event for all women in the region," she says, tongue in cheek, I hope. "From now on, women will be considered as members of the mammal class, whereas before women shared the legal status of an object, similar to that of a home appliance. Bully for them.
They Never Learn!
Israeli 'spy vulture' caught in Lebanon
The vulture, recently released from a wildlife preserve in northern Israel, is being held on suspicion of spying for Israel. "We expect them to understand that wild animals are not a threat," says avian ecologist from Israel Nature and Parks Authority. A vulture that was recently released from the Gamla wildlife preserve in northern Israel has been caught in southern Lebanon and is being held on suspicion of spying for Israel.
A local news website in Lebanon published a photograph of the vulture, bound by rope to prevent its escape, likely because of the transmitter attached to its leg, a scientific practice to track bird flight ranges.
Allegations of animals spying for Israel are not uncommon in the region.
In 2013, an Israeli "spy eagle" was caught in Lebanon. According to one Lebanese news site at the time, local hunters who caught the eagle alerted authorities after discovering an ID ring attached to its leg with the words "Israel" and "Tel Aviv University" printed on it.
Hezbollah claimed that the eagle was one of many birds sent by Israel to spy and gather information via GPS transmitters across the Middle East. The report pointed to the "arrest of birds carrying similar devices" in Saudi Arabia, Turkey and most recently in Egypt.
In August 2015, Hamas claimed to have captured an Israeli spy dolphin, said to have been equipped with "spying equipment" including cameras, Army Radio reported.
It was captured off the Gaza coast by a Hamas naval unit, the radio report said.
Turkish media has also alleged, twice in recent years, that birds tagged with Israeli university tracking devices were on espionage missions.
Could the problem be the Darwinian consequences of close cousin marriages? The thinking here is not impressive.
Solidarity with Muslims
"Someone needs to be communicating with Muslims that there are Christians in this nation who love them." How wonderful! When will Martha DeVries show some love for Aqsa Parvez, whose Muslim father choked her to death with her hijab after she refused to wear it? When will Martha DeVries celebrate the memory the many young Muslim women murdered by their families for not wearing the hijab or for falling in love with an "unapproved" person?