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Columns and Articles by Dr. Laina Farhat-Holzman

February 22, 2014

Let's Give them a Big Hand: Current Darwin Awards

Periodically, I round up all the most stupid human behaviors that manage to reach the press worldwide. My view is that these individuals are so stupid that they should not contribute to the human gene pool. The fact that they do contribute provides the ongoing fodder for this review.

o Women Driving. The Saudis are notorious for keeping their women from driving automobiles. Their reasons cannot be Koranic, since the Prophet Mohammad did not have automobiles and couldn't forbid his wives to drive. The reason until now was the fear that if women can drive an automobile themselves, who will be able to keep them from sinful sexual behavior? In 2011, Muslim scholars said that a relaxation of the ban would see both men and women turn to homosexuality and pornography and that there would be no more virgins in the Islamic kingdom.

And now one scholar, Sheikh Salah al-Luhaydan, says that if women drive, they will shake up their pelvis and sex organs, which could result in clinical disorders among their children. Don't cars shake up everyone's pelvis?

o Israeli “spy” birds. The Lebanese security establishment scored a major coup with the capture of a high-flying Israeli “spy.”

Lebanese blogs reported that an eagle was trapped by a group of local hunters in the Maronite Catholic town of Ashqout, who noticed that the bird had a tag around his ankle with the word “Israel,” as well as an abbreviation for Tel Aviv University, and the number 5278. The eagle had a transmitter on his back, according to the blog Lebanon Debate. The men decided the bird was likely a Mossad spy on a mission for Israel, and handed it over to security authorities for investigation.

Egyptians detained a stork for the same reason, and Turkey found a Kestrel that roused similar suspicions. Sudan and Saudi Arabia also captured birds that they were sure were spying for Israel. None of these authorities recognize the scientific practice of studying migration routes, part of Israel's obviously superior performance in science and technology. Conspiracy theories are so much more fun.

o Fatwas from the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood. Before the Egyptian public and military kicked out the Muslim Brotherhood government, the following examples of Darwin-worthy pronouncements were made. “When a women goes swimming, because the word for 'sea' is masculine, when the water touches the woman's private parts, she becomes an 'adulteress' and should be punished." They also said that women must not eat bananas because of the obviously phallic shape of that fruit. [Raymond Ibrahim, November 27, 2013.] Darwin Awards to the Fatwa Committee who should certainly have no wives, daughters, or progeny altogether.

o Hapless Mexican Thieves. It was alarming to hear in December that six hijackers made off with a truck transporting hospital nuclear wastes (cobalt 60). At first thought, authorities were concerned that Islamist terrorists had done the hijacking with the intention of producing a dirty bomb. Happily, this was not so.

The hijackers were garden-variety Mexican thieves, who have earned my Darwin Award for stupidity that may indeed remove them from the gene pool. The authorities found them, all six of them, who were hospitalized for nuclear exposure and are now in jail. An additional award goes to the drivers for leaving the cargo untended while they took a coffee break.

o Hapless Iraqi militants. An instructor, teaching his militant recruits how to make car bombs, accidentally set off explosives in his demonstration February 10, killing 21 of his students in a huge blast that alerted Iraqi authorities to the existence of this training camp. Nearly two-dozen people were arrested, including wounded insurgents trying to hobble away from the scene. This is a very Darwinian removal of people too stupid for the gene pool and also a reminder of the Golden Rule: Do not do unto others that which you would not want done to yourself.

Jihad Jane (Colleen LaRose). This 50-year-old dim bulb had a one-night stand with a Muslim in Amsterdam and became “obsessed with Jihad,” she says. “I don't want to be into jihad no more,” she told the judge. Good.

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Dr. Laina Farhat-Holzman is a historian, lecturer, and author of God's Law or Man's Law. You may contact her at Lfarhat102@aol.com or www.globalthink.net.